Anjali was stuck. Stuck. Trapped. She couldn’t leave him. What would happen to the children? What would they do the next time he was in one of his moods? She had been a good child, always listening to her parents. She worked hard and did well in school, and could embroider, stick, knit, sew, paint, sketch, and cook better than any of her sisters. A pleasant smile was never far from her face. Her heart on her sleeve, she gave generously to those around her, and always had a kindly word for anyone who may need it. All she wanted was joy. She had never thirsted after money, manipulated her position for power.

What more could you want in a woman? She covered herself modestly, and took care to maintain a relationship with her God. What flaw was there in such a creature? Delicate and finely bones, with smooth, even features that came together in a soft beauty, light and refreshing. She had no unseemly habits. There was no drug addiction, no alcoholism, no flirtation with the men at the workplace, no casual relationships. She was a hard worker, and did not ask for much. All she needed was love. No. Forget that. All she needed was respect.

Anjali looked at herself now. Skin soft with age, wrinkles lining her forehead, her cheekbone sore from the recent assault. She was no longer the beauty she had once been. Now there was a frailty to her body, the type that comes after middle age, a droop in her smile, as if her lips were ready, at a moment’s notice to spit out words of anger and hate. How had this happened to her? How had she become an angry, resentful woman? How had she become so crass, deviated to such an extant from the graceful elegance that once fell around her like a shimmering cloak?

It had all started when she married him. If Anjali was telling you this story, she would tell you to forget Cinderella. There is no Prince Charming. Now she knew. Marriage was not a union. It was no divine culmination of two spirits into one. It was the whip that broke one to the will of the other.Disney did not prepare her for the lack of love and neglect, for the years of emotional abuse,psychological trauma. Nothing in life prepares you for the harsh realities that you are now a slave. Bitch. Whore. You useless dead-weight! For now, after more than thirty years, she was trash. He reminded her every day, as if the sole purpose of his life was to punish her. He had a bad day at work, and she was the one who had to pay.

She hadn’t left him because she couldn’t. She had children, and it was her responsibility to care for them. That man never respected her feelings. She was the ideal wife, even his friends acknowledged that. And that sly devil never let anyone else know it. In front of everyone else, she was a wonderful wife and he was her wonderful husband. They were the Ken & Barbie of the year. Except this Barbie cried herself to sleep regularly. This Barbie was taunted and screamed at every time her back hurt, or she had the flu, or a head ache. This Barbie was threatened with slaps and curse words. You piece of shit! You fat, ugly, unappealing haramzaadi!

I will kill you! Who the hell do you think you are? I’ll throw you out of the house and leave you to die on the street. We’ll see what you can do for yourself then!

And then he had fought with her family, so that now even her mother was distanced from her. Her sisters no longer spoke to her. Where would she go? How could she escape him? Anjali turned to God, her only saviour. Her love for Him gave her strength to endure this test. Patience was her only respite. She raised her children as best she could, but it was difficult. How can you take care of others when you must constantly fight for your own survival?

Studies show that one third of children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems. Children may experience such problems as depression, anger and hostility, isolation, school problems (low achievement), drug and/or alcohol use, and more. They may attempt to get attention through violent behavior, such as lashing out or treating pets cruelly, or by threatening siblings or mother with violence.

Boys who witness their father’s abuse of their mothers are more likely to inflict severe violence when they become adults. Data suggest that girls who witness maternal abuse are more likely to tolerate abuse as adults. Children from abused homes often have relationship and marital problems as adults. (From the bookletthe booklet “A Way of Hope”, which was once available on the web site for Family Life Today)

One night, things got out of hand. She hadn’t made him breakfast, had forgotten to pick the dirty dishes up from the dining table, and he punched her. That night Anjali went to sleep wishing she could die.

Minna Schulman, director of a domestic violence and law enforcement agency, stated that violence is a tool that men use to maintain control and to demonstrate power and authority over a woman. She added: “We see domestic violence as a misuse of power and control.” Some wife beaters suffer from low self-esteem, the same trait they induce in their victims. If they can do that, then their ego will have been fed, and they will feel a measure of superiority and control over another human. They feel that they prove their masculinity in this way. Yet, do they? Since they perpetrate their violence on physically weaker women, does it prove that they are truly men of strength, or does it prove, instead, that they are unreasonable? Is it really manly for a stronger male to beat up a weaker, more defenseless female? A man of strong moral character would show consideration and compassion for weaker and more defenseless ones, not take advantage of them.

Another demonstration of the unreasonable thinking of the abuser is the fact that he often blames his wife for provoking the beatings. He may imply, or even say to her, such things as: ‘You didn’t do this right. That’s why I’m beating you.’ Or: ‘Dinner was late, so you’re just getting what you deserve.’ In the abuser’s mind, it is her fault. However, no shortcoming of the other mate justifies battering.(Frankie Goh, from article, “What Causes Domestic Violence” posted on ezinearticles.com)

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